A LETTER TO GOD

 TODAY 12/20/21 I CAME ACROSS A LETTER I WROTE OVER A YEAR AGO THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE

5/13/20

Dear God,

I LOVE YOU!! 

Today it hit the hardest it's ever hit in a while. So much pain I don't want to smile.

My heart hurts and I feel it is my fault. I need help badly because I am tired. I've always put my best foot forward never expecting anything in return. But, all I do is get burned out and only want to be alone. I try my best to be like you and now I know that is vanity. I will never be like you and I have come to realize that. I put so much effort in loving others that I forgot to love myself. I put so much thought into helping others that I forgot to help myself. I tried to be selfless in a world where everyone is selfish. I AM TIRED. I thought that loving others would bring me love, to be honest I feel like all that I brought me was more expectations, more pain, and loneliness. Maybe I was giving the wrong love or maybe I gave too much. Either way I am struggling to stay afloat, I feel like I am drowning with no one to reciprocate the love that I gave. I try my best... I hide my pain with vain laughter and smiles. Sometime I feel like I slipped pass time into eternity and I see brighter days. I just hope when I get there it's not another coping face. I want to tell someone all that I am dealing with but You have blessed me with so much that my pain may not be validated. Honestly, I don't think anyone knows the real me, sometime I feel like don't know myself. I am sorry. I've been running from You for too long. Hiding behind music, drinking, smoking, and vanity. Free me from my pain it's driving me insane. TO BE CONTINUED.....

Cold Hearted

Cold Hearted 

Heart cold but my soul really heated

Been broke before but I stand undefeated 

Lost control of this World that I’m living

Hid in darkness cause it seem so fulfilling 

Want to be free but I’m scared to be me

To open up and let someone else really see

The pain inside, no one understands what it means 

They want your joy and nothing else silly me

To think that you could comprehend everything

I told my story are you even listening 

In the end it’s just me 

So fuck the world and fuck everything 

I gave my heart in return I got a nothing. 

So my heart is cold

What is Love

John 3:16

" For God so LOVED the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life."

What is love?

Is it an action?

Is it a feeling?

Or is it a combination?

What is love to you?

To me, love is free.

Nothing being required of thee.

Freedom from me, he, she, or we.

Love doesn't constrict,

But commits.

Commits to permit.

Permit your mind, body, and soul,

To achieve everything above you goals.

To me loves more than an action.

Love is more than a feeling.

To me love is a healing.

Healing from pain,

Healing to gain,

Healing from fear,

Healing to see clear.

That love, bears no fear

That love, bears no fear

That love, always hear

That love, is filled with cheer

That love, is always clear.

That love, is always true

Always do

Never through

With me and you

That love, always knows

That love, always grows

That love, always shows

That love, is real

That love, doesn't kill

That love, doesn't steal

That love, always heal

I LOVE YOU!

I am only a Man

I am only a Man

CONFUSED, Broken, Timid, and Lost

I travel the midnight forest of life

Trying to find the right solution

 

I am only a Man

Confused, BROKEN, Timid, and Lost

On this path from the past

Never to mend from the crash

 

I am only a Man

Confused, Broken, TIMID, and Lost

Burrowed deep in my shell

Asking for someone to break the spell

 

I am only a Man

Confused, Broken, Timid, and LOST

Shinning so bright

But, I live in the night

 

I am only a Man

Lucid, Whole, Bold, and Found

I control my destiny with every choice

And I choose to be me and have a voice

Faith

Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 13:1) And if you have the faith of a mustard seed you can say to this mountain move and it will move. So, the question is " When tested how much faith do you have?" There is a common misconception that when we are tested it is something bad. Like we only get tested to see if we would sin or not. But, that is not the only way we get tested but we also get tested to see if we believe in God or have faith in Him. Many of us when we are going THROUGH a trial or tribulation focus on the problem. We forget that we are going THROUGH it. Just think about it, when you do a trial-run for a computer software its only for a moment it's not forever. Our faith during those trail and tribulations is suppose to spring us forward and beyond the the problem. Like the light at the end of the tunnel; if you focus on the light not the darkness that surrounds you you are able to spring forward. When you focus on the light you are not even worried about the darkness, because you are on a mission to receive the joy of the light. The word of God says that the kingdom of Heaven is like mustard seed. That seed though it is small when it is full grown is the greatest among all trees, and birds flock to nest in its branches. Faith is a process and you do get great faith over night but it is through the constant use of your faith that makes it grows. 

Where is it?

Where is the Fire?
Where is the Passion?
Where is the Joy?
Where is the Laughter?
Where is the Fun?
Where is the Game?
Where is the Care?
Where is the Compassion?
Where is the Thought?
Where is the Love?

But Destroyed!
But Delayed!
But Distracted!
But Diminished!
But Distraught!
But Deceived!
But Dismayed!
But Disengaged!
But Detered!
But Disintegrated!

To... Nothing!!!

Love Lost and Not Bound

Who can explain the unexplainable?
Who can undo what has been done?
No one..... None!!!
Who can forgive the unforgivable?
Who can mend the unmendable?
No one..... Not a Soul!!!

For what is unexplainable
is not understood.
And what has been done
has been tattooed.
There are no guidelines
and no erasers.
The unforgivable
has cross the line.
And the unmendable
has been broken and lost.
Once drawn
the line cannot be undrawn.
And what is lost
has left no trace to be found.

Love Lost and Not Bound!