TODAY 12/20/21 I CAME ACROSS A LETTER I WROTE OVER A YEAR AGO THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE
5/13/20
Dear God,
I LOVE YOU!!
Today it hit the hardest it's ever hit in a while. So much pain I don't want to smile.
My heart hurts and I feel it is my fault. I need help badly because I am tired. I've always put my best foot forward never expecting anything in return. But, all I do is get burned out and only want to be alone. I try my best to be like you and now I know that is vanity. I will never be like you and I have come to realize that. I put so much effort in loving others that I forgot to love myself. I put so much thought into helping others that I forgot to help myself. I tried to be selfless in a world where everyone is selfish. I AM TIRED. I thought that loving others would bring me love, to be honest I feel like all that I brought me was more expectations, more pain, and loneliness. Maybe I was giving the wrong love or maybe I gave too much. Either way I am struggling to stay afloat, I feel like I am drowning with no one to reciprocate the love that I gave. I try my best... I hide my pain with vain laughter and smiles. Sometime I feel like I slipped pass time into eternity and I see brighter days. I just hope when I get there it's not another coping face. I want to tell someone all that I am dealing with but You have blessed me with so much that my pain may not be validated. Honestly, I don't think anyone knows the real me, sometime I feel like don't know myself. I am sorry. I've been running from You for too long. Hiding behind music, drinking, smoking, and vanity. Free me from my pain it's driving me insane. TO BE CONTINUED.....
